Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Dear Margaret

Today he woke up and thought of you.  He opened his eyes after seeing you all night in his dreams and thought of you. I can tell you it has been like that for a whole year because a year ago today you left us.  So, wash, rinse repeat with thoughts of you has become a daily ritual for your son.

I can also tell you he is doing well and coping with grace.  He takes great pride in the home you left behind, cleaning it, nurturing it and keeping a watchful eye on it's most important possession, his father. I've watched how their dynamic has changed over the last year and you would be happy to know it makes me smile. Although they bicker about the same silly things (mostly because Abe is so protective and worries so much), they have also grown closer. It is crystal clear how much they need each other and I'm certain they both know it as well.

I wish you could see how strong he is and how in midst of all the sadness losing you has been, he still manages to get up in the morning, do the things he loves and dream of the things he will do.  Sometimes I have to take a step back and simply watch him only to take in his beauty. His face, his hands, the way he laughs. Yes, he is still laughing. I take comfort knowing he thinks I'm funny. Each time he throws his head back in laughter my heart calms with ease just a little more. I hope you take comfort in that too.  

Somehow, I think you already know all these things I'm telling you; that you are in the the kitchen cupboards or the back seat of the car listening to our conversations.  In a way I guess you are, but just in case, I promise to check in every year and fill you in on all the beautiful things that are your son and the family you left behind.  I will continue to keep Abe close to my heart and do my best to remind him that dreaming of you is a good thing, not a cruel thing; that his kind heart comes from you and that no matter what, he is lucky to have had such an incredible mother who made him such an incredible man.


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