Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Focus on You | Personal

A few of my friends are going through a hard time right now, and by a hard time I mean relationships.  We've all been there; painful breakups and wondering if we will ever find someone again. Falling in love and confused if they love you back or wondering why he or she won't call you after you've had three amazing dinner dates and first kisses.  These conversations have made me sad for my friends who are hurting, but have also taken me down memory lane (eh...in and out of bad relationships) and I've realized I have a thing or two to say (brace yourself for a long post).

In my early 20s I met this beautiful boy (we'll call him Frank).  He was what you call the "bad boy."  Punk rock, adventurous, crazy, passionate, unstable, lost and flat out angry with the world.  Of course, I fell head over heels in love with him because when you're 20 you are wild and free and nothing can hurt you.  The next four years were the most tumultuous, stressful years of my life and I've never cried so much.  I learned a great deal about what I didn't want in a relationship and after many attempts I finally was able to let go and believe that I would be ok without the emotional roller coaster that had become my every day.

What I am trying to say is this:  we are all guilty of falling into these insane patterns that only set us up for getting hurt in the end.  Rushing into a relationship before we're ready, choosing people who aren't good for us, becoming insecure when we see them texting "friends," worrying if they are going to find someone else who is better, prettier, smarter, etc.  Why do we do this?  We do this because we want to control everything in order to prevent ourselves from getting hurt.  Not only does this not work, it is counterproductive and only makes us crazy.  No one wants to be with someone who is constantly doubting them, but we also don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us, right?

If you tend to be a jealous person, focus on you.  Work on knowing your worth, being secure with yourself and in who you are as a person and those feelings of insecurity will drift away.  If you have been cheated on or burned so badly that you can't trust anyone new, focus on you.  Work on being happy with yourself and you will then realize it is not you who should be worried about losing the other person, it is they who should be worried (because you are worth keeping).  Work on believing that you are worth it, that you are special, that there is no one like you and if the other person doesn't see that then you shouldn't be wasting your time with them.  They are not right for you.  If you are single and sad that you haven't found someone, focus on you.  I recently heard the phrase "To get a ten you gotta be a ten."  Work on being your version of a ten and you will attract a ten.  Why?  Because like attracts like my loves.

Hopefully after all this soul searching and self awareness, you will start choosing people to spend your time with that are just as confident and wonderful as you and suddenly, trust won't seem like some fairy tale concept.  No more sabotaging or accusing because of insecure feelings.  You will know you are worth it and that my friends, is what this whole blog post is all about.

Venice, Italy 2011
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